I haven't updated this website in a couple weeks ever since school and work decided to become drastically more stressful than usual. I want to learn some new tools for this website and coding in general because I'm starting to get bored of this as always. Luckily however, I'm on spring break which gives me some time to relax and work on this little project. I've also been doing a lot of hiking while on break, which you can see pictures of here. It's been so incredible to reconnect with nature again. I'm pretty sure I know what I want to do with my life; I want to work for the park service and take care of historical landmarks like a lighthouse or an old mansion. The precious nature of these landmarks and how much maintainence they require (espeically if it's located on the coast) means that the park service is constantly having put in work. I don't know why but something about taking care of piece of land and protecting it from cruel forces of nature feels so important to me. To be completely honest there's no need to take care of a historic home, it serves no functional purpose to society, but these park rangers see it as special because it's a house that once meant something to another family, and it gives a glimpse into the lives of people we'll never know, and I think that's beautiful.
I think we as humans need to tend or devote our lives to something bigger than ourselves in order for our existence to feel meaninful. That's another reason why being a park ranger insterests me, you're devoting your small and trivial life to the trees and valleys. For others it might be some sort of God Complex thing though, like you're a shepard of the land and the wilderness exists at your mercy. I don't know, that's not what I would want to get out of working for the park service. But humans definetly express our God Complexes through the creation of things, albiet making art, music, food etc. When you make something, you're bringing something that didn't previously exist and cultivating it into existance, like a mini God crafting the world in his image. Anyways, I love nature and hiking so much guys. It reminds me to let go of my own ego and narcissism, and focus on protecting something far more important: our Earth.
Today I am feeling incredibly frustrated with school and adult life in general. I think the notion that during college you'll be surrounded by people who are passionate about knowledge and progression is a total myth. Everyone in college, especially the professors, are here to mobilize their status up the social heirarchy and don't care about making any actual change in the world. So many professors would rather stay locked up in their ivory tower than go out and interact with real people to try and make a difference. I don't care about publishing research or some fellowship, I want to actually help people during my time on this Earth. Tell me how a research paper about doordash drivers (yes this a real paper one of my professors is working on right now) is actually going to bring about any real and immediate change in this world. I hate how out of touch academics are! I even overheard one of my tenured professors a couple months ago talk about starting a union, as if he needs one! If you have tenure then you have more job security and benefits than any working class individual will ever have! Tenured professors need to stop pretending like they are members of the working class. AAAAH I hate it so much. Okay now I'm going to go back to crying over homework and work-work and how stressed and disillusioned I am :D
Woah! My first website! Well not really, I actually made my first website about 10 years ago when I was in fifth grade but it was really bad of course. Shoutout to my girlfriend to taught me how to use HTML and CSS to make this. I want this website to both a brain dump of my thoughts and art but also an horror-ARG kinda thing? That’s what the anthology section is for. I was inspired by Gravity Falls and cryptid-motifs in media because as an adolescent I always believed the taiga forests were haunted. Oregon is where I spent part of my childhood and most of my teen years, and after living there for so long, I can say that I firmly believe there is something mystical about the state, as though it’s bound by a different energy field. I’ve found myself becoming increasingly nostalgic for home recently. It could be because of the fact that I work between 60-70 hours a week for field that I have no passion for, or maybe it’s an inner refusal to grow up. Every time I have an exam I need to study for or a meeting I have to go to for work, I immediately want to pack my bags, quit my job and drop out of school, and go off the grid. I want to be like Bruce Campbell and live in a plane where I just build widgets and host concerts for hippies. I met him last summer and he was definitely a weirdo, but he was also happy and I think that’s all I want to be. But OMG it was so hot inside the plane I thought I was going to die of heat stroke.